Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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