so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
