that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
