He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
