hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
