so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
