I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
