okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
