census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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