Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
