singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
