I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
