Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
