Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
