She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
