So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize