she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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