I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
