Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize