Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
