i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
