To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
