is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Houston, we have a blender
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
