How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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