My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
