shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
