On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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