Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize