We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
