Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
