just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
