If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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