is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
