I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
