I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
