That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
