apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
