70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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