I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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