I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
