im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
