Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
