my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And then my night got REAL pukey
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
