Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
