i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
