So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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