I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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