Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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