you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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