This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
