last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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