I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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