We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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