hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
false alarm, still single
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
