I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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