I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
