I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
