You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
