I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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