wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
