Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
