so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
