i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
