The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
