Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
