I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
