Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
