pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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