My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
