Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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