Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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