P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
