he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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