just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
