What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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