She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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