His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
