he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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