No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
