tell your sister to shave her snatch
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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