I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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