I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
