i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
