I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize