Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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