remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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