he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's blow job season.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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