You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
