What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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